EA Sports Has Ruined Football Games.

The Alt+NFL Will Fix Them.

 

Decimated by the global pandemic, the wonderful wide world of sports cried out for help…

“Help,” cried the world while being extremely bored, but no one answered.

Then came a second cry, this time sounding of a thousand voices, but scattered and preceded by a hashtag. The words “#FIXMADDENFRANCHISE” rolled out in a fractured and underwhelming boom that shook the Twittersphere but fell deaf upon the ears of their overlords EA Sports.

And so, the world slipped into darkness, and with it began the rule of a new age…

Long ago, kind folk seeking to peacefully live out their lives serving as a head coach or player on their favorite NFL or College team needn’t look far. There was a vast selection in those days, and any able-bodied user could walk right into a Gamestop at their local mall or shopping center on any Saturday afternoon. After browsing the shelves then loitering on the demo console, eventually, they could make their way to the manager behind the desk and muster the guts to whisper, “do you have any football games?” The shopkeeper would smile and point you in the right direction.

You see, in those times there were a lot of football games! If a fellow had the gumption, they could spend hours reading through the magazines or talking with their buddies about the different titles’ pros and cons. After much discussion, they would finally choose between a more realistic experience or something a bit more fantastic. NFL 2K, Blitz The League, Backyard Football, NCAA Football, NFL Fever, Maximum Football, the list seemed to go on with no end. It was a wonderful time to be a football gamer!

In 2005, everything changed—an imbalance in the force granted EA Sports divine rule and unlimited power. Many cried out in protest, but the world ignored their warnings. Soon, the forums that were once bustling with passionate users debating the superiority of their favorite title now lie barren and desolate.

Should your will be strong, and you’re granted access to a GameStop, you’ll find its once smiling staffers to now be overthrown by walking potato chips with name badges. They troll about the shop and occasionally hiss, “Maaaaddennnn,” then offer to show you how to exchange your USD credits for “MUT coins.” This is their precious currency that disguises our supreme leaders’ truest evil: Freemium Gaming, aka Digital Kid Casinos, aka Fucking Gambling.

The sickness is known as greed, but EA Sports calls it MUT or Madden Ultimate Team. It’s essentially a digital casino, just like the app on your paroled uncle’s phone with the spinning slot machines. You exchange US Dollars for “MUT coins” (credits) for a chance to pull the lever and POSSIBLY “unlock” a “prize pack” of “valued” digital trading cards. Nevermind that the “Mutstore” is primarily geared towards children and lets a user exchange up to $3,200 at once. A “Legendary Pack” of digital cards is roughly $40. Where I come from, we call these “loot boxes.”

“I’ll save you,” says the Alt+NFL. And that’s exactly what they did.

We’re “Making Madden Great Again,” as we start our Anti-Madden Madden Club to revamp EA’s once vibrant Franchise Game Mode. 

Join the US! 

#FIXMADDENFRANCHISE

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